Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
