I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
