i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from