I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
