Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it