I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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