This is not my ceiling
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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