Well douche your snatch and let's go!
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
