i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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