I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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