i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
