is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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