Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
