Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
