opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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