I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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