I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
