You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
That's when you crack a 10am beer
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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