just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
