i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
