He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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