Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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