I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
