Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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