Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You ate ashes out of my bong
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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