if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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