God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
a search helicopter?!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
