last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
