i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
