i think my tv is drunk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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