I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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