I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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