tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
