How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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