We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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