In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
The Olympian is in my bed
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
