Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
