Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
whose parrot is this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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