We got so high we made milksteak
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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