i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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