You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
