Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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