Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize