he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
