My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
