I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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