After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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