i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
