I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize