So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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