Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
