My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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