why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
