He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
