Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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