the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
organizing the empties. That sober.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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