The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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