Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
