Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
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Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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