Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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