Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
