I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
