I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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